Why is my Dog Still Anxious? What is a Bonded Pair?
A lot of people come to me with anxious dogs. They either just rescued them or they have tried everything to make them be okay with strangers, but nothing has worked. Maybe medication has made it a tiny bit better. Maybe there are some people that they are okay with meeting but others they seem terrified. I’ve found in a few cases, that during those rescues, the dogs had originally been found with another dog, or saved from a puppy mill with many siblings. Even dogs you get from a breeder might have come from a big litter and are missing their siblings. I look at all these dogs and ask, “is my dog a separated bonded pair?”
A bonded pair of dogs are two dogs that act like a single puzzle piece. They go together because of their strong bond. Adopting one but not the other can almost send them into a grieving state and look like your dog is depressed and afraid of everything because they are so used to being with their pair that they don’t know what to do on their own. You might notice that your dog displays significantly less or even no signs of anxiety if there is another dog present. Maybe they seem fine at doggy daycare or it seemed to come out of left field because their foster family had a lot of dogs, and they never would have noticed what it looked like for them to be alone because they simply never were.
I’ve had a few distinct cases in my experience while working with dogs that I discovered were separated bonded pairs. The first was a dog named
Echo. She and her sister Penelope were found together on the side of the road. The rest of their family had been killed from either being thrown out of the car or from another car hitting them. They were both adopted near each other and I got a chance to work with both of them. Penelope was okay. She went into a family and immediately attached to her kid siblings and was able to avoid any serious anxiety. Echo was different. She was a mess without her mom around. She wouldn’t meet strangers, she would cry and never stop if her mother wasn’t there, and she was overall an unhappy dog. But if you even brought another dog near her, she was fine. Like none of that existed. Roxie would join me in her lessons and even though Roxie never played with her or interacted with her, she was happy to see me and would work rather nicely. In the end, they decided that they couldn’t adopt a second dog and that, while they loved Echo very much, she would be happier in another home, on a farm with many many other dogs.
Another dog who I had been working with for a few months, that only saw a little bit of progress during that time, I later discovered was a separated bonded pair as well. They had been rescued from a puppy mill. Oliver had been in a puppy mill, smooshed in a tiny crate with lots of other dogs. after that, they had only a short amount of time with their foster before being adopted into his forever home. During that time, we noticed that some strangers he was fine with and others he couldn’t even go near. Then one lesson it just clicked. I grabbed Roxie and she ran out and he immediately perked up and let me pet him and was coming over to me, which he hadn’t done for the months that we had worked together. I mentioned to his owner that she could try fostering or doing a ton of doggy daycare and just over socializing him until he felt this need for a friend being fulfilled. I jokingly said that she could get another dog and everything would be solved. She said “alright, bet” and the next day showed me a picture of Murphy, who she had promptly adopted. Very shortly after, Oliver graduated and he and Murphy lived happily ever after.
The last dog that I would discuss is a newer client, named Daisy. She is an adorable Pitbull who, at the time she was rescued, had her brother also in the shelter. However, the shelter most likely did not think they would be able to adopt out two Pitbulls at once, so they mentioned it as a one off comment, but didn’t push it further when her mom seemed unsure that she would be able to have two dogs. It is a struggle to adopt out a Pitbull on their own, let alone one that is attached to their sibling. The stigma on Pitbulls has mad this problem even harder for them to deal with. A lot of apartment buildings won’t even let you have one Pitbull, let alone one that needs a second Pitbull to be happy. I figured this out with Daisy within her second lesson. Her first lesson was her shaking and growling with me in her home, tossing treats to her. She got off the couch twice the entire time. The second lesson she came to me. Again she was hesitant, but coming closer for treats. Her mom mentioned that she seemed somewhat better one walks, so we tried that. She let me toss treats and be a bit closer to her, but it wasn’t until we saw a dog a bit in front of us that I saw her perk up. I said I wanted to try one last thing. She once again waiting in my dog park while I brought out my dog and she just lit up like a candle and was coming over to me and giving kisses. It was like she had been completely replaced with another dog. She now goes to doggy daycare and visits many dog based events and has begun her journey of healing. Her mom isn’t able to get her a brother or sister yet, but she is still making much better progress and is going to be joining group classes.
In the end, all of these issues will be fixed by another dog. It’s always something to ask yourself and your dog if they are still struggling with anxiety. There is not a lot of research or information about bonded pairs, but know that dogs have a lot of emotional intelligence. They connect to people the same way they connect to other dogs. They might be missing their pair and are scared to do new things without them, or even guilty that they are and their pair is not. If the shelter has a brother and sister, consider getting both or attempt to have them make lots of friends if you cannot have more than one.
